User Profile

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.


I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!



Hardcore guitarists are angsty love.


Donnie Darko is Troubled Love.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Nikay
Birthday:	January 20
Birthplace:	Beverly Hills
Current Location:	Lockwood Valley
Eye Color:	One Brown and One Blue
Hair Color:	C'est une brune
Height:	4'11.5"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Irish/Armenian
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Chuck Taylors
Your Weakness:	A good laugh
Your Fears:	Spiders and Birds
Your Perfect Pizza:
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	My New Year's Resolution
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I hate Mondays
Your Best Physical Feature:
Your Bedtime:	Whenever my eyes close
Your Most Missed Memory:	What kind of question is this?
Pepsi or Coke:	I don't like soda
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Neither
Single or Group Dates:	Depends on the situation
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Green Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	I don't drink coffee
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	When I'm angry
Do you Sing:	In the shower
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	I'm there now
Do you want to get Married:	Not really
Do you belive in yourself:	For the most part
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Only on the Teacups at Disneyland
Do you think you are Attractive:	I'd like to think so
Are you a Health Freak:	Some would say that
Do you get along with your Parents:	Depending on the day, yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes! Especially if there's lightning
Do you play an Instrument:	Yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	I don't drink
In the past month have you Smoked:	I don't smoke
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	I don't do drugs
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	I hate oreos
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Yes
Ever been Drunk:	Once
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	Quickly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
What country would you most like to Visit:	France
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue or Green
Favourite Hair Color:	Doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair:	Doesn't matter
Height:	Taller than me
Weight:	Doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style:	Just as long as they don't smell
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	too many to count
Number of Piercings:	9
Number of Tattoos:	2
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	0
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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